October 16, 2009

Dad is still hanging in there.
I've been spending every day at his and mum's house, and my sister (who's a nurse) has been staying there to help Mum with turning Dad in bed, and some of the other medical stuff.
Pete brought Charlie to visit on Tuesday - he was desperate to see his Grandpa - and Dad made a real effort while Chas was there. Charlie snuggled up with Dad on the bed, and they had a lovely cuddle and a bit of a giggle together.
I was so proud of my dad - he is so very weary, but he put his glasses on (so he'd look like Grandpa) and pretended to be asleep when Chas arrived so Charlie could play their favourite game and pretend to wake him up. Dad managed to put his arms around Charlie to give him an enormous hug and kiss, and stayed awake to hear Charlie's latest news.
Charlie knows that Grandpa is very sick, and that he will probably be going to Heaven to be with Will very soon.
Charlie can see that Grandpa is so poorly, and that his arm is so swollen, and that he is so very tired and can't get out of bed. He knows to be quiet and gentle.
But Chas can also see straight through all the illness and the medical paraphernalia, to the man he's loved so much since he was so tiny.
One of Charlie's first words was 'Dandar' - his baby word for Grandpa, and the bond between them is so special.
Dad was there the whole time when Charlie had his first and second surgeries - he sat and waited with us through the long, long hours when Chas was in theatre, and cried tears of joy with us when we were told that all was well.
He has always been totally resolute in his faith that all would be well for Charlie.
And if my Dad says it, then I know it must be right.
It breaks my heart to think that Dad most likely won't be here with us when Charlie has his next op, to help me stay strong, and to believe without a shadow of doubt that everything will be ok.
I don't quite know how we'll all carry on without him.
I know we will though, because that's what Dad would want.
I'm fortunate that I've had this past few days to say all the things I want to say to my Dad. He knows how much I love him, and how proud I am of him.
He is totally fearless as he approaches his final journey, and has told us that he is ready to go.
His unshakeable faith and his courage give us the strength to walk beside him.
I'm so proud to be able to call him my father.