Saturday, October 31, 2009

October 31, 2009 (Updated)

***UPDATED***: My aunt sent my mum this picture of Charlie in his suit, so I thought I'd share it with you, because he looked so smart, and I thought you'd like to see. You'll notice I've cropped his feet off the bottom because the cemetery was very muddy, and his carefully polished shoes didn't stay that way for long...

Hi folks. It feels strange writing a new post - I haven't really wanted to, because I didn't want to bump my goodbye to Dad down into 'older posts'.

It's still so fresh, it seems wrong in so many ways to be moving on already, writing about life without Dad being here, but I know Dad would have raised his eyebrows at me being so sentimental (and anyway, he always loved to read what Charlie was up to) so here we go.

Firstly, thanks so much to everyone for checking in so much over the past few weeks, and thank you for all the messages, comments and emails of support before and after Dad died.
Mum has been reading Charlie's blog too, and has read your comments - it meant so much to her that people - many of whom didn't even know Dad - had cared enough to leave a message. So thank you. It goes without saying that we would still appreciate your thoughts and prayers in the days and weeks ahead as we forge our way forward into our 'new normal'.

It was Dad's funeral yesterday, and it went really well. The weather was lovely (in spite of rain being forecast), the flowers were beautiful, the church was packed and the singing was amazing.
It was lovely to hear so many people saying what a great man they thought my dad was, and to hear about the impact he had on so many people over his long life.

Charlie wore his new suit and tie (he was adamant he wanted to look smart like Grandpa) and looked so grown up. I said to him that Grandpa would have been so proud of him, and that he would have loved to see him dressed so smartly, to which Charlie replied: 'But he can see me, Mum - all the way from Heaven.'

Dad had asked that we only had flowers from the family, with donations instead to be divided between Cancer Research UK and Little Hearts Matter. People were so very generous, and I know Dad would be thrilled to know how much money was raised in his memory.

I still can't really believe that Dad has gone. It's so strange to think that he won't ever ring me up again - I found some of his old messages on our answerphone the other day, and it's so hard to hear them, but I'm glad they're there.
I came in a couple of days ago and Pete said Dad had rung. Without even thinking, I asked him 'Your dad or my dad?' and then realised it wasn't very likely to be my dad.
It's the little things like that which really hurt.

I think I'll sign off for now - we're going over to see Mum in a bit. I think we're all going to go out somewhere just for a change of scenery.

PS Charlie has his first wobbly tooth, so he thinks he's very grown up now. (Well, he is six on Thursday, I suppose!) Birthday plans have, understandably, been somewhat on the back burner of late, so I'd better start thinking about making a dalek cake in the next few days. It's certainly going to be a strange few days.

PPS Obviously we didn't go to Charlie's appointment with the surgeon yesterday - we were going to ring and cancel, but the hospital beat us to it, because the surgeon couldn't make it. We've rescheduled it for December 11.


GrammieMommy said...

Still thinking of you and your family during this time. I have been there recently (this past January with beloved MIL). I still miss her, but when I think of all the times we laughed out loud together, it brings to smile. Treasure those, keep looking at photographs to remember. Love your mom and I'm so happy that Charlie is doing well. Please take care.

Jamyama said...

Phe did look so, so smart bless him, tell your mum I'm very impressed nanny is turning into a tech wizard recieving photos thru cyber space!! xxxx