Dilemma.

Well, we still haven't had the promised letter from BCH. I'm hovering by the letterbox every morning, and pouncing on the post as it arrives, but still there's nothing.
They said we'd get the letter with the date for Charlie's surgery within 'a week or two' and that we could ring up and chase it if we hadn't received it by then.

It'll be three weeks tomorrow since we spoke with the surgeon.

And I don't know what to do.

Every day I heave a sigh of relief when I find the letter hasn't arrived, but at the same time, I'm starting to get impatient to know what's going on.

I'm sitting here at my desk with the phone number for the surgeon's secretary in front of me, and I can't decide whether to call her or not.

At the moment, I don't have a date set in stone, so I can carry on muddling along, pretending Charlie's op is ages away and trying not to think about it too much.

I know, if I ring them and they tell me the date, I'll feel instantly sick and terrified, and start working out the number of days and hours before we have to take Charlie in.

But me telephoning the hospital isn't going to change things at all - the date they tell me over the phone will be exactly the same as the one that arrives (eventually) in the letter.

But I just can't decide whether my burning need to know what's going on outweighs my equally powerful need to keep living in denial for as long as possible.

Do I sound totally round the bend? I'm certainly heading in that direction.