Thursday, December 31, 2009

December 31, 2009

Well, here we are. The last day of the year.
2009 is all but gone, and 2010 will soon be here.
I've read a lot of blog posts today, and most of them have contained nice little synopses of the past 12 months, with hopes and plans for the next dozen.
I thought about doing something similar, but, in all honesty, I can't be bothered.
I'm feeling pretty miserable and I can't muster up the effort to think of all the good things that happened this year - I know there were lots of good things, many to do with the continued good health of our Charlie-boy - but they're all overshadowed by the loss of Dad in October.
As the clock ticks over at midnight, I can breathe a sigh of relief at the departure of the horrible year that took my dad from me... but at the same time, I'm bidding farewell to the last precious year in which I saw him, spoke to him, hugged him, kissed him, joked with him...
Mixed feelings all round.
Not helped in the slightest by the knowledge that the same clock ticking us into 2010 is moving us inexorably closer to Charlie's Fontan surgery.
I'm aware I've said much the same thing on the past few New Year's Eves - but this is real now. Charlie is on the waiting list now, and his heart surgery WILL be happening THIS year.
I miss my dad terribly, and I'm sick with terror that my beautiful boy might not be here this time next year.
There. I said it.
So, apologies all round - this really isn't a chatty, cheery New Year's post. I might try to rustle one of those up tomorrow if I get five minutes, with an update on what Charlie's been up to, but for now I'm wallowing in a sea of melancholy.
I'm tired, Pete's tired, we're both a bit under the weather, and I'm allowing myself a pity party. It's my blog, and I can whine if I want to.
It's 11.20pm, and I'm going to bed. No, I'm not even going to bother to stay up and see the New Year in.
Here's hoping for a healthy, happy and peaceful 2010 for all of us.

1 comment:

Abi said...

Hoping 2010 goes as smoothly as possible for you with Charlie's Fontan getting closer. Corwin is on waiting list for non heart related surgery and is also likely to have his heart Cath and Fontan this year as well as an MRI on his brain - so I know how you feel.
Wishing you a peaceful and healthy 2010 x