Sunday, January 31, 2010


It's very late. I'm very tired and I'm lying in bed, but sleep just won't come.
My mind just won't switch off.
I've tried to avoid confronting how frightened I am about Charlie's surgery - I'm staying so busy - cleaning, making lists, buying supplies for hospital, organising all the things that I might not be able to do if we're in for a while.
But eventually I have to stop.
And then the fear really kicks in.
Don't think I'm not being positive - I am. I'm hopeful that Charlie will be fine. He's fit, strong and in the best physical and mental state he could possibly be before surgery.
But this is still a major operation. His heart will be stopped and he'll be put on bypass.
He'll go skipping into theatre in his Dr Who slippers, and come out on a ventilator.
The anticipation and constant mental playing and re-playing of every possible scenario is hideous.
This is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do.
And I am so afraid.

Sent from my iPhone


Greg and Heidi said...

I am so sorry! Nothing can ease the anxiety but a completed surgery (that went well of course) & having your man back to himself! He looks so good! He will do great. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Saying a prayer for you from across the pond.